Dean, you are among the few people who through their writing alone can cause me open a dictionary. Not in frustration, but in an eagerness that I will learn a useful word. I would be honored to be your biggest beta reader disappointment. My pedestrian understanding of linguistics being only slightly above that of one living in the Paleolithic. I’ll give this a few readings over several days if you think a Gen-X curmudgeon with a Gen-Z attention span reviewing your prose has any value.
That might be the finest compliment I’ve ever received—and I say that as someone whose love language is obscure vocabulary. If I can send even one reader flipping through a dictionary with curiosity rather than contempt, I’ll consider the sentence worth writing.
You’re far too modest. Any beta reader who can weaponize “Paleolithic” for comedic effect is already miles ahead of the MFA crowd. I’d be honored—truly—to have your eyes on it, whether sharp, glazed, or intermittently distracted by doomscrolling. A Gen-X curmudgeon with a Gen-Z attention span might be exactly the demographic I’m writing for.
Take your time. And don’t worry—if I’m going to disappoint someone, I prefer it be someone with standards.
A style of writing which will convey what is occurring. Is there actually a book completed or in the works. Echoing my comment from yesterday, brilliant writing Dean.
Thank you—that’s incredibly kind, especially considering you’ve only seen a single chapter. The fact that it struck a chord means a lot. Yes, this is part of a novel currently in the works—a full draft is nearing completion, and the chapter you read is pulled from the latter half of the book.
It’s been a long time coming, but the voice, shape, and spine of the thing are finally locking into place. No release date yet, but I’m aiming for something that earns its ending—and every page along the way.
Really appreciate the encouragement. It helps more than you know.
Earlier today Japan time, I started outlining some approaches to analysis before actually digging in. It's a bit long ... trying to suss out my pre-existing strengths, weaknesses, and biases ... as well as the limits of analyzing a chapter outside of a larger context. As my comments might be better formed through dialogue, I was just wondering if you'd prefer this in direct private messaging (for ease of dialogue) or here in comments and sub-comments (to allow others to chime in).
Will be at the hospital most of tomorrow for a yearly check up — had a cancerous thyroid gland removed a couple of years ago, and have a local community event on Saturday, but I can copy-paste the outline of those initial approaches.
First off, I really appreciate the thought and care you’re putting into this—seriously. However you’d prefer to share your thoughts, I’m completely - and atypically - amenable. If dialogue feels more fluid in direct messaging, I’m happy to go that route. If you’d rather keep it open to others, that’s fine too—whatever serves your process best.
More importantly, I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope the checkup goes smoothly and that it’s just routine from here on out. Please don’t stress about timing—your health comes first, always. Wishing you a smooth visit and a strong weekend ahead.
Just popped my sleeping meds, so will be out like a light in about 20 minutes. Between now and then, I just cleaned up that heuristics thingy and am sending it to you here. If it draws interest, will go from there ... but I guess we are not restricted to an either/or for comments or private messaging. So here are my thoughts for beginning the process in the form of a first (now second) message to you ...
Hey Dean,
Just read your excerpt and had all kinds of thoughts running through my head, including:
1 — Imagining I was reading this in my former role of a Freshman writing teacher at TUJ (though writing essays or speeches as support for other classes, not creative writing)
2 — Imagining where and what choices I would be juggling if I were more of a creative wordsmith
3 — Looking at the breadth of content you cover with such a great minimalist style, what you (and I) consider salient enough to bring to the reader's attention.
4 — Looking at the broad swath of a couple of other “c”s … cohesion and coherence. I had to use this more for Japanese college students of English as a foreign language — but in thinking that this is an excerpt from a novel, I will necessarily be ignorant of things readers of previous chapters will have taken for granted.
5 — Another thought on how to approach this is to look at the chapter as a fractal of the whole … a story within itself, which would make it accessible to the traditional ways of evaluating a larger piece of fiction — which I am not experienced.
The way I used fiction (movies and short stories) in Comparative Culture classes was closer to Derrida’s approach to Deconstruction. Myself and the students would spend the first part of the semester familiarizing ourselves with some philosophical assumptions and values (Plato & Aristotle, Confucious & Taoism, etc.), and some scientific principles and theories (Freud & Jung, Asch, Milgram & Zimbardo, primatology, etc. (Uggh. Who’d a thunk ’science’ would have devolved into a four letter word in such a short time?). We would then cap off that first half of the semester by agreeing on a provisional social construct (specifically for that group of students and myself, and for that time) … and use that construct as a kind of experimental “control” for the second half of the semester. The variables we compared and contrasted to the control were usually in the form of a movie, but sometimes short stories, poems, or songs. I’d have the students form groups, and spend a few classes drawing story-boards by hand comparing/contrasting the movie with our provisional construct, in preparation for group presentations on the last day or two of the semester. The students and I preferred hand-drawn diagrams and story boards to Power Point because of the waste of time setting up the computer and projector, and the distraction of software-driven fades, dissolves, jump scares, etc. I recounted the above to remind both of us that I am not a literary critic. Just a pedagogue who thought art and student autonomy was the best way to drive home what I thought was most important for the students.
Back to looking at the excerpt as a fractal, a great example just popped into my head. I remember reading Charles Terry’s English translation of the epic novel, “Miyamoto Musashi” by Yoshikawa Eiji, three times, and will probably read it again. A big reason for my love of the huge tome (over 900 pages) is because each chapter stands on its own as a story. Yoshikawa had taken 4 years to write it in serialized form for a newspaper back in the 1930’s.
Immediately thinking of a weak point in critiquing the chapter as a fractal of the whole, the chapter is short and of easy readability — mercifully so for the decline in the public’s attention span you implied in the chapter itself — so I am guessing the entire novel will be closer to something that might be read in a single sitting, and therefore not require days between readings and a long memory, or necessitate a fractal approach to writing or analyzing each chapter.
The increasingly twitter-length attention spans, and the ease of soaking in visual gee-whizz by A.I.-driven computer graphics and lazy directors ... have had me spinning in circles for some time now. Although I enjoy communicating to specific people through writing, I have neither the confidence nor have I developed the skills to open up to a mass audience of strangers. That waning attention span and attraction to visual stimulus applies to me too. I am far too easily manipulated by YouTube's algorithms to go on a day-long viewing binge ... though I often write essay length comments which no one reads. Everyone has an opinion, and more often than not, spending a couple of hours on an essay goes unread, while someone else's single sentence quip gets a few hundred upvotes. It may be too late for me to change old habits, but I need to think of essays as first drafts for something more entertaining.
6 — I will refresh my memory and look for new options through a judicious use of A.I. For example, rather than looking back through the rhetoric and writing textbooks I still have laying around, I just prompted Perplexity Pro for traditional ways of evaluating fiction and it spat out this short but comprehensive answer …
—————
“Here are some key points about traditional chapter evaluation:
1. Structure and pacing: Evaluate how well the chapter flows, whether it maintains tension, and if it keeps the reader engaged.
2. Character development: Assess how characters are portrayed and if they show growth or reveal new aspects of their personalities.
3. Plot advancement: Determine if the chapter moves the story forward and contributes meaningfully to the overall narrative.
4. Literary devices: Look for effective use of symbolism, foreshadowing, and other literary techniques that enhance the storytelling.
5. Chapter endings: Consider whether the chapter conclusion leaves the reader wanting to continue to the next chapter.
6. Conflict and tension: Analyze how well the chapter maintains or introduces conflict to drive the story forward.
7. Setting and atmosphere: Evaluate the author's ability to create a vivid sense of place and mood.
8. Dialogue: Assess the quality and authenticity of character interactions through dialogue.
9. Themes: Identify how the chapter contributes to or develops the novel's overall themes.
10. Consistency: Check for continuity with previous chapters and the overall story arc.
These traditional methods focus on close reading and critical analysis of the text, without the use of AI tools. Evaluators typically read the chapter multiple times, taking notes and considering various aspects of the writing to form a comprehensive critique.”
—————
Wow! That was way more than I initially remembered, well beyond what I taught for writing academic essays, and no fluff.
In coming up with the above preliminary approaches, I’ll just go by stream-of-consciousness reactions, but also refer to that 10 point list … ha, depend on it … with a hedge that I will necessarily be in the dark about the entire novel, as well as the appropriateness of that list for a single chapter.
Just touching bases to let you know I am slow, but still thinking about your chapter, studying along the way, and dropping your name and post here and there among potential contributors.
Still studying and learning how to approach fiction (as opposed to speeches and essays) ... but finding some fascinating YouTube podcasts along the lines of using subtext as "showing, not telling" ... probably the most powerful approach to start turning my own essays into stories. Here is a short one of many I came across ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ICVrx5PKo
Dean, you are among the few people who through their writing alone can cause me open a dictionary. Not in frustration, but in an eagerness that I will learn a useful word. I would be honored to be your biggest beta reader disappointment. My pedestrian understanding of linguistics being only slightly above that of one living in the Paleolithic. I’ll give this a few readings over several days if you think a Gen-X curmudgeon with a Gen-Z attention span reviewing your prose has any value.
That might be the finest compliment I’ve ever received—and I say that as someone whose love language is obscure vocabulary. If I can send even one reader flipping through a dictionary with curiosity rather than contempt, I’ll consider the sentence worth writing.
You’re far too modest. Any beta reader who can weaponize “Paleolithic” for comedic effect is already miles ahead of the MFA crowd. I’d be honored—truly—to have your eyes on it, whether sharp, glazed, or intermittently distracted by doomscrolling. A Gen-X curmudgeon with a Gen-Z attention span might be exactly the demographic I’m writing for.
Take your time. And don’t worry—if I’m going to disappoint someone, I prefer it be someone with standards.
A style of writing which will convey what is occurring. Is there actually a book completed or in the works. Echoing my comment from yesterday, brilliant writing Dean.
Thank you—that’s incredibly kind, especially considering you’ve only seen a single chapter. The fact that it struck a chord means a lot. Yes, this is part of a novel currently in the works—a full draft is nearing completion, and the chapter you read is pulled from the latter half of the book.
It’s been a long time coming, but the voice, shape, and spine of the thing are finally locking into place. No release date yet, but I’m aiming for something that earns its ending—and every page along the way.
Really appreciate the encouragement. It helps more than you know.
—Dean
Hey Dean.
Earlier today Japan time, I started outlining some approaches to analysis before actually digging in. It's a bit long ... trying to suss out my pre-existing strengths, weaknesses, and biases ... as well as the limits of analyzing a chapter outside of a larger context. As my comments might be better formed through dialogue, I was just wondering if you'd prefer this in direct private messaging (for ease of dialogue) or here in comments and sub-comments (to allow others to chime in).
Will be at the hospital most of tomorrow for a yearly check up — had a cancerous thyroid gland removed a couple of years ago, and have a local community event on Saturday, but I can copy-paste the outline of those initial approaches.
Cheers buddy!
Hey Steve,
First off, I really appreciate the thought and care you’re putting into this—seriously. However you’d prefer to share your thoughts, I’m completely - and atypically - amenable. If dialogue feels more fluid in direct messaging, I’m happy to go that route. If you’d rather keep it open to others, that’s fine too—whatever serves your process best.
More importantly, I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope the checkup goes smoothly and that it’s just routine from here on out. Please don’t stress about timing—your health comes first, always. Wishing you a smooth visit and a strong weekend ahead.
Cheers,
Dyspeptic Dean
Hey Dean!
Just popped my sleeping meds, so will be out like a light in about 20 minutes. Between now and then, I just cleaned up that heuristics thingy and am sending it to you here. If it draws interest, will go from there ... but I guess we are not restricted to an either/or for comments or private messaging. So here are my thoughts for beginning the process in the form of a first (now second) message to you ...
Hey Dean,
Just read your excerpt and had all kinds of thoughts running through my head, including:
1 — Imagining I was reading this in my former role of a Freshman writing teacher at TUJ (though writing essays or speeches as support for other classes, not creative writing)
2 — Imagining where and what choices I would be juggling if I were more of a creative wordsmith
3 — Looking at the breadth of content you cover with such a great minimalist style, what you (and I) consider salient enough to bring to the reader's attention.
4 — Looking at the broad swath of a couple of other “c”s … cohesion and coherence. I had to use this more for Japanese college students of English as a foreign language — but in thinking that this is an excerpt from a novel, I will necessarily be ignorant of things readers of previous chapters will have taken for granted.
5 — Another thought on how to approach this is to look at the chapter as a fractal of the whole … a story within itself, which would make it accessible to the traditional ways of evaluating a larger piece of fiction — which I am not experienced.
The way I used fiction (movies and short stories) in Comparative Culture classes was closer to Derrida’s approach to Deconstruction. Myself and the students would spend the first part of the semester familiarizing ourselves with some philosophical assumptions and values (Plato & Aristotle, Confucious & Taoism, etc.), and some scientific principles and theories (Freud & Jung, Asch, Milgram & Zimbardo, primatology, etc. (Uggh. Who’d a thunk ’science’ would have devolved into a four letter word in such a short time?). We would then cap off that first half of the semester by agreeing on a provisional social construct (specifically for that group of students and myself, and for that time) … and use that construct as a kind of experimental “control” for the second half of the semester. The variables we compared and contrasted to the control were usually in the form of a movie, but sometimes short stories, poems, or songs. I’d have the students form groups, and spend a few classes drawing story-boards by hand comparing/contrasting the movie with our provisional construct, in preparation for group presentations on the last day or two of the semester. The students and I preferred hand-drawn diagrams and story boards to Power Point because of the waste of time setting up the computer and projector, and the distraction of software-driven fades, dissolves, jump scares, etc. I recounted the above to remind both of us that I am not a literary critic. Just a pedagogue who thought art and student autonomy was the best way to drive home what I thought was most important for the students.
Back to looking at the excerpt as a fractal, a great example just popped into my head. I remember reading Charles Terry’s English translation of the epic novel, “Miyamoto Musashi” by Yoshikawa Eiji, three times, and will probably read it again. A big reason for my love of the huge tome (over 900 pages) is because each chapter stands on its own as a story. Yoshikawa had taken 4 years to write it in serialized form for a newspaper back in the 1930’s.
Immediately thinking of a weak point in critiquing the chapter as a fractal of the whole, the chapter is short and of easy readability — mercifully so for the decline in the public’s attention span you implied in the chapter itself — so I am guessing the entire novel will be closer to something that might be read in a single sitting, and therefore not require days between readings and a long memory, or necessitate a fractal approach to writing or analyzing each chapter.
The increasingly twitter-length attention spans, and the ease of soaking in visual gee-whizz by A.I.-driven computer graphics and lazy directors ... have had me spinning in circles for some time now. Although I enjoy communicating to specific people through writing, I have neither the confidence nor have I developed the skills to open up to a mass audience of strangers. That waning attention span and attraction to visual stimulus applies to me too. I am far too easily manipulated by YouTube's algorithms to go on a day-long viewing binge ... though I often write essay length comments which no one reads. Everyone has an opinion, and more often than not, spending a couple of hours on an essay goes unread, while someone else's single sentence quip gets a few hundred upvotes. It may be too late for me to change old habits, but I need to think of essays as first drafts for something more entertaining.
6 — I will refresh my memory and look for new options through a judicious use of A.I. For example, rather than looking back through the rhetoric and writing textbooks I still have laying around, I just prompted Perplexity Pro for traditional ways of evaluating fiction and it spat out this short but comprehensive answer …
—————
“Here are some key points about traditional chapter evaluation:
1. Structure and pacing: Evaluate how well the chapter flows, whether it maintains tension, and if it keeps the reader engaged.
2. Character development: Assess how characters are portrayed and if they show growth or reveal new aspects of their personalities.
3. Plot advancement: Determine if the chapter moves the story forward and contributes meaningfully to the overall narrative.
4. Literary devices: Look for effective use of symbolism, foreshadowing, and other literary techniques that enhance the storytelling.
5. Chapter endings: Consider whether the chapter conclusion leaves the reader wanting to continue to the next chapter.
6. Conflict and tension: Analyze how well the chapter maintains or introduces conflict to drive the story forward.
7. Setting and atmosphere: Evaluate the author's ability to create a vivid sense of place and mood.
8. Dialogue: Assess the quality and authenticity of character interactions through dialogue.
9. Themes: Identify how the chapter contributes to or develops the novel's overall themes.
10. Consistency: Check for continuity with previous chapters and the overall story arc.
These traditional methods focus on close reading and critical analysis of the text, without the use of AI tools. Evaluators typically read the chapter multiple times, taking notes and considering various aspects of the writing to form a comprehensive critique.”
—————
Wow! That was way more than I initially remembered, well beyond what I taught for writing academic essays, and no fluff.
In coming up with the above preliminary approaches, I’ll just go by stream-of-consciousness reactions, but also refer to that 10 point list … ha, depend on it … with a hedge that I will necessarily be in the dark about the entire novel, as well as the appropriateness of that list for a single chapter.
2 am in Japan, sleeping meds kicking in.
Good night for now Dean.
Hey Dean.
Just touching bases to let you know I am slow, but still thinking about your chapter, studying along the way, and dropping your name and post here and there among potential contributors.
Will be back in touch soon.
steve
Here are some recent references hoping to draw eyes to your chapter ...
https://ponerology.substack.com/p/the-cost-of-ignorance-how-gaps-in/comments#comment-100081081
https://oxgmcxo.substack.com/p/he-warned-usand-still-we-forgot-to/comment/105956849
Still studying and learning how to approach fiction (as opposed to speeches and essays) ... but finding some fascinating YouTube podcasts along the lines of using subtext as "showing, not telling" ... probably the most powerful approach to start turning my own essays into stories. Here is a short one of many I came across ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ICVrx5PKo
And another longer one I am still digesting ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk